Commercialised St. Valentines’ Day is fast-approaching and yes, its still lockdown. We’ve all been looking for a reason to celebrate or dress up during these isolated times and what better way than an annual (albeit capitalist) holiday? For long-distance lovers living apart, for those lucky enough to be locked down together and for your own self-love; here’s an inspirational list of things to treat yourself/your partner to this Valentines Day.
We can promise they won’t be too cheesy, although they aren’t all necessarily safe for work. Unless you’ve gone full time on Only Fans.
Remind them of your own bodacious curves even when you’re not by their side.
This Nottingham-based business creates candles adhering to artistic shapes which connote lust in the women’s curve and men’s ‘gino’ bodily-wax figures and angelic sweetness on the flip-side in the baby cherub shapes akin to Cupid — perfect for V day.
- Remote Control Vibrator
Whether you’re celebrating over zoom or in your bedroom, there’s just something about letting your significant other take control sometimes —even virtually. Invest in a remote control vibrator which you can be daring enough to take somewhere more scandalous once the outside world opens up… The insertable version also has a tightening ‘kegel’ effect, which is an added bonus for both of your pleasure.
If you’re in lockdown alone, buy your own ‘magic wand’ which can be used both solo and once you’re reunited.
- Polaroid camera/album
What better way to preserve your memories (or take an elegant nude) than through a tiny polaroid? The polaroid is retro, timeless and sentimental for a reason.
If you’ve already invested in a camera, why not buy them a cute album to gaze at your snapshots in comfort, and make sure they stay safe! It’s a little scary to think that there’s a saucy picture of your private moment floating out there for anyone to find.
Something like a key chain that they use all the time is a secret trick to keeping yourself on their mind all day.
Jokey, personalised underwear is also a hilarious way to break the ice, especially if you don’t want to break the bank with designer items or find yourself over the Calvin Klein trend (which is still a classic if you ask me).
For those in longer term relationships who are no longer in fear of coming on too strong or scaring your V day date away with the dreaded ‘emotional affection’, you can even go as extra as buying them a personalised moon lamp with your faces engraved on the front and a poem (or something less cheesy) on the back. A little fromage is healthy sometimes.
A cute personalised calendar filled with pictures you’ve taken together (with an emphasis on you, naturally) is also the gift that gives on giving. Who cares if it’s February? Better late than never and, speaking of, it’s a great way to make sure they don’t forget any of your dates or show up tardy.
- Restraints and Bondage set
What better time to explore/introduce your kinks than Valentine’s Day. There’s no harm in living on the edge a little and dipping a toe into some consensual, safe bdsm. If you find out it’s not for you, you can also guilty pleasure/hate watch 50 shades of grey and 365 days (you don’t have to admit that you’re enjoying the eye candy just a little). P.S. ball gags give your lips an instant filler effect, fyi.
- Aesthetic room decor
Neon lights in the shape of a kiss or heart will be the perfect way to add some oomph to their room and some softly-coloured light to your ‘love making’ (ew I don’t think I’ve ever even said that word before).
- Fishnet tights
For yourself, you’ll look fierce and dominant in your IGs. For your partner, a disposable set of tights for the sole purpose of ripping them off will drive them mad.
- Flower Box
Roses are a beautiful classic but perhaps cliché. But a rose box… well that’s a different story. Your s/o (usually with a more feminine disposition) will really appreciate the extra effort you make to specially order it.
- The Kamasutra
Hear me out. Many are under the illusion that the Kamasutra is a book of sex positions, but it was actually written in Sanskrit in the 5th or 6th century by the sage Vatsyayana. The classic textbook of eroticism is less a sex tip book than a historically contextualised philosophical treatise about “the art and living”. In a world saturated with sexually explicit references that exceed pornography, permeating songs, movies, books and even advertisements, many of us think we ‘know everything’ from a very young age. Some of us end up doing it. So we don’t really need the guidance on positions that have drawn more sheltered generations to the text. Instead, full translations have a lot of interesting passages regarding contemporary social and psychological narratives that are still relevant today.
If he’s a himbo (or not a big reader), you can buy a position dice or a simplified ‘Kamasutra’ with illustrated positions in it. They’re pretty tame and vanilla but it’s kind of a gag gift that’s great for couples who haven’t done everything with each other yet or want to start taking steps to spice up their sex lives. It’s way more exciting to intersperse the basics (missionary, cowgirl and doggy style) with something new, more flexible and assertive.
Tingle every sense with a flirty scent to spray on your throat, behind your ears, on your cleavage and in between your legs. Top tip: Put Vaseline on the areas that you want the perfume to last longer and it’ll stick.
- Fantasy lingerie
This could be a gift for yourself or your partner. Maid outfits for women are a stereotypical trope of the role play scenario, but maid outfits for men became huge on TikTok last year.
If they aren’t as into breaking gender norms as the cute gen z crowd over on that app, then just live out a fantasy which turns you on. There’s no kink shaming over here and we promise not to tell anyone (unless humiliation is your thing).
Trying out role play is a way to both exercise your creative imagination and spice up your bedroom life, fulfilling fantasies that they’ve never even imagined before they were met with your twisted mind.
In the gig economy era of deliveroo and ubereats, there’s nothing more appreciated than the effort of making a home cooked meal if you’re tight for money.
But if you’re feeling lazy or struggle to make ramen noodles, a phone cooked meal will do. Check out these black owned businesses which do delivery.
You can bring the dinner, then double as the dessert.
Morrisons add a little extra love to their crumpets during this time of year… you can’t go far wrong with a nice addition of some heart-shaped food to your breakfast (or breakfast for dinner) to amp up the atmosphere this week. You also don’t need to be in the same household with your partner to tell them about these crumpets and enjoy them virtually together or send pictures of your meal! For the self-love aspect, these can also be enjoyed with family or by yourself with a cup of tea, of course.
- Classic letter-box gifts with a romantic twist
Etsy is the best place for finding a variety of letterbox gifts for any intention — to cheer up a friend, to say thanks, to spread positivity, and to show some love! From pamper sets to sweets and chocolates, you’ll find it all from varying prices.
- Sheer, feather trimmed robe
Dramatic will always be in season, especially when it comes to fashion. For yourself, your girlfriend or even a friend, live out old Hollywood glamour dreams with an elegant pink sheer extravaganza. (You don’t have to opt for pink but, in the words of Elle Woods, “whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed”.)