I’ve always kind of thought that everything is slightly more fun when it’s forbidden. Maybe it’s because of the teen dramas and YA, watt-pad style fiction that raised me and my main character complex. Even the mainstream, the vanilla, have been conditioned to desire at least a hint of taboo with their erotica. That’s both a cause and symptom of those toxic power play fantasies (think of the teacher/student relationships tirelessly embedded into shows like Pretty Little Liars).
As of May 17th 2021, you can finally dine indoors (sans blankets or heaters) and hug your grandmother. You can play indoor sports and experience overnight stays; more importantly, you can combine these two extracurricular activities and also (legally) have sex with someone outside your household.
Boris Johnson has kindly demolished a rule it’s likely he himself didn’t obey. Needless to say, many couples from different households, both alike in dignity, defied restrictions and did indeed ‘mix’ indoors.
For those who took the guidelines literally, outdoor or car sex was probably a go to. But for more puritan couples who had to follow the guidelines due to distance or because they live with someone in the at-risk group, refining your sexting and nude selfie game was probably top priority, as was dabbling in the art of phone and FaceTime sex.
Now that you’re free to be be both naughty and legal in these postlapsarian days, it may be the case that passion, frustration and the sheer release of boredom are enough to instantly boost your sex life. But for those of you who weren’t lucky enough to cohabit with your significant other (or get a sneaky link in), self esteem, confidence and even anxiety issues might prove a barrier to fully reconnecting with your partner in the bedroom…or the stairs or the bathroom or the kitchen.
With help from CBD specialist, Eden’s Gate, MGC has put together a list of top tips to boost your sex life post lockdown.
1. New lingerie
Google Trends has identified a UK search spike for ‘lingerie’ in May 2021. This is because lingerie that you feel both sexy and comfortable in has been proven to boost confidence and therefore performance behind closed doors.
When you look good, you feel good. A quick fix to help you feel yourself is a brand new outfit for the bedroom, or worn with heels under clothes or perhaps even just a trench coat. There’s a way to dress up even when you’re sparsley clad; we recommend lacy black suspender sets or fishnets paired with a diamanté choker. Even if you let your partner rip them off immediately, just seeing how you look in the mirror will spice up your own mood.
Whether you opt for Savage, Ann Summers or La Perla, make sure to invest in some new outfits for both of you to enjoy seeing you wear. Check out our Valentine’s Day Gift Guide For All to get some inspiration.
2. CBD oils
Research shows that CBD oil can help increase sexual pleasure, easing stress and anxiety (including performance anxiety) and setting the right mood. CBD oil is an essential natural alternative containing only ingredients of the earth. It’s a great product to help combat any underlying worries and, like it’s more illegal counterpart cannabis, it could help you achieve more intense orgasm.
What better way to relax than to stimulate your muscles, and therefore mind, into a zen state of comfort. Take turns with your partner to give each other a massage, using cocoa butter, baby oil or even hot massage oil if you’re willing to splurge on it.
The tantric massage is also a special, very intimate type of massage you could try with your partner. According to Cosmopolitan, it “uses energy and chakras (a center of energy in the body, according to Indian belief) to relax the person into the state of feeling that physical boundaries have dissolved”.
3. Erotic fiction
Eden’s Gate also suggests reading erotic fiction in a relaxed environment to explore your desires or, if you prefer, you could also try responsibly watching ethical porn. Trying out both of these can help you discover new ideas (and possibly positions) for yourself and your partner to practice. Just make sure you know what you’re consuming.
4. Role Play (and trying new things)
If you’re ready enough to put away your shyness and try something more out there, go order that kinky outfit you’ve been eyeing on Ann Summers, Amazon or even your local sex shop. Role play can help you bond with your partner as you test each other and add an extra dose of literal playfulness to an already exciting situation.
If that’s not your thing, you could be open about other things you’ve always wanted to try. From new sexual acts, to crazy positions to maybe even other people – if you’re both into it.
5. Sex toys
Just under 3 million people in the UK own a sex toy for self pleasure and to use as a couple. Many people feel owning sex toys should be something to be embarassed about and a taboo subject, however nearly half the UK population own a sex toy, so the chances are that the people you work with and close friends are using them in their sex life.
Sex toys are a great way to add a new aspect to your love life and create new sensations. Shopping together online for sex toys can also help add to the excitement and open the conversation between yourself and your partner about the new things you wish to try and what your desires are.
6. Talk to your partner
If you want to keep it simple, just talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and explain why you’re feeling that way. You can then suggest things they can do to help you feel more at ease, even if it’s as simple as some extra love, attention or reassurance.
The extra details listed above can be applied afterwards if you’re both into them. Remember that you shouldn’t push yourself to do things you’re uncomfortable with just because you want to impress them or feel like you need to compensate for the time lost.
You need to remind yourself that you’re not the only person feeling this way and many other people are likely to be struggling with confidence and anxiety around this subject if they haven’t had a chance to meet their partner in real life for a while.
If you don’t feel comfortable having a conversation face to face, you can always send them a text message explaining how you feel. This might reduce awkwardness and give you enough time to include everything in your message as well as give your partner time to reply and understand how you’re feeling.
Thank you to Eden’s Gate for sending us these great tips. At the end of the day, it’s all about reaching a consensual, comfortable solution that centres both of your pleasure, leaving both parties wanting more.
Here’s to hoping that they do everything they said they would in those late night messages.